Can Purell be used as lube?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
be right there i have to get my cape
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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