bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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