Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
