I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize