Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
