When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
