you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
