I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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