I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
