I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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