I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
