some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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