I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
