Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
