The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
