You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this