I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
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Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.