I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE