Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.