Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
