this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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