i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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