went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
