Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday