i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
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he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
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We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.