gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
another moral hangover. fuck.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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