If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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