I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
