I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
