the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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