Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize