Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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