HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
