You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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