The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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