I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
