Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
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Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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