The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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