masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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