Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
