Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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