I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
