HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Boobs are out for the taking
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
