Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
