My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
