lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
