Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
