Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
