Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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