just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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