2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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