When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
