Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
