she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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