i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
