There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
