He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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