How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Two words: nipple clamps
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