And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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