3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
