So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
