Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
