I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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