i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
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That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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