just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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