And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
