R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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