I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
