So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the raccoons are back...
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