Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
